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(read: angst.)
You can have
My mind body heart soul
And sell my liver to the black market
I don't know what you would do with
My feelings quirks memories ideas
But they're yours, all yours
If you want them
You could feed off of my
Energies blood stubborness life
Please leave nothing behind
I want nothing.
(lyrics 'to. uhh.. baka hindi pa po tapos.)
Samahan mo ako sa Manila Memorial
Dalawang bangkay sa isang puntod
Mamamasyal lang doon sa libingan
Dalhin mo na ang gitara mo
Wala namang patay na nagpaparamdam,
Approve sila sa iyo
Wala namang multo na nagpapakita,
Approve sila sa iyo
Samahan mo ako sa Manila Memorial
Maghahanap tayo ng sariling lugar
Tahimik lang ang ating kantahan
'Di nagmamadali, dahan-dahan
Wala namang patay na nagpaparamdam,
Approve sila sa iyo
Wala namang multo na nagpapakita,
Approve sila sa iyo
Pwede bang maupo, dito sa damo
Pwede bang maupo, dito sa damo
Samahan mo ako sa Manila Memorial
Dalawang bangkay
Sa isang puntod...
I hate the fact that
whenever I come in
they are never excited to see me
They never greet me
as entusiastically
as when he comes in
Why, the minute he arrives
they just flock towards him
as if he is the only that matters
They scream his name too
as if the sound of their excitement is
not enough to get his attention
They always want him to be
the first one they talk to
so I became second-rate
I love him but because of this
I hate the very sight
of him not knowing he is adored
I love him but sometimes
I can't help but feel jealous
no, i cannot help but feel unloved
I've fallen in love with high places
Bell towers of churches
The tops of buildings
The closer I am to the stars, the closer I am
To that which I wish to feel
In my silent sanctuary
I sing
But you make me want
To scream
And my blood's sweet
When I taste the concrete
i feel so bad
im lying face to face
if i can take it back
i swear i'll be a better kid
i cant be away
for just one stupid
mother fucking day
theres so much at stake
im asking for a second chance
im kneeling down to god
where are you? im asking for you
where are you now, come help me out
my blood is drying up, im seeing you now
my phone call to god, a phonecall to god
please let me change it back,
fuck, i'll change it all
i would if i could
god theres this girl, she drives me wild
just met me be with her
before i die
where are you? im asking for you
where are you now, come help me out
my blood is drying up, im seeing you now
my phone call to god, a phonecall to god
i slit my wrist open, wait for me
i slit my wrist open, wait for me
im coming, i hear you now
im coming, i hear you now
im looking at her, im ready to go
im looking at her, im ready to...die
where are you? im asking for you
where are you now, come help me out
my blood is drying up, im seeing you now
my phone call to god, a phonecall to god
you watch the wall and describe images
that flash on a screen
that just seems blank white.
"what do you perceive?
the lack of imagination cripples my senses."
i desire your eyes,
and the gray silver tinsel fashion
you tint the world with.
and as foggy blue goldfish swim in your eyes,
you scribble down your thoughts
into a weather beaten book,
worn by cursive
of soft screams of angst and
sweet spawns of romance.
i really want to catch those blue goldfish
in a jealous net of love and envy.
you do not answer my naivete.
"so what do you see on the wall?"
i ask.
"there is a girl there
and she is dancing passionately
into my heart and mind,
like a hurricane
that tears down my walls
and destroys my town
in cold fronts of grace,
in indigo ice, in burning azure.
love is colorblind
and i am unsure."
"i feel stupid.
the wall is empty, there is no dancer.
if i'm so clueless and creatively challenged,
tell me why i'm drawn to writers."
i turn to my side to realize
you're looking at me
with blue goldfish eyes.
"why do you watch me?
why do you stare so?"
"because you move me when you dance on walls."
"i'm not a dancer, i'm awkward and dense."
i utter five syl-
-lables in protest
"writers gravitate to calm cool colors
aquatic hues, ocean aromas."
"but i'm wearing red
and blushing bright pink."
"love is color blind, dear,
that's what i think"
I just wrote this so I could do a companion art work. hahaha - sorry if i can't write but at least i can draw a bit : http://madproject.com/controller.php?id=4973.jpg... AND THANKS JILL FOR BEING MY EDITOR! SHE FIXED HOW THE LINES ARE DIVIDED! Teamwork!)
are you getting cold
the scent is autumn
the smell of spring's forgotten
the stagnant air's reeking rotten
are you looking for
some ammonia
your early hibernation
makes you stiff with desperation
the pins and needles
you're on the rebound
has you sniff the air around
i rise, a corpse from underground
i died long ago
so did your conscience
like the one that got away
your past is dead, you wish it stayed
but something had you caught on
like it's pheromones and cotton
oh your body is the thaw
to my cold frostbitten heart
black and white i scream it yearns
at first it melts but now it burns
might as well be drunk
passed out before me
sprawled on my lap, legs apart
making mistakes is now an art
fuck the misery
it's no mystery
you think what you smell is his cologne
and when we're together it makes
me feel more alone
you come towards me
my pistol ready
and i aim it to your head
but you face it to me instead
so triggerhappy
you know you'll lose me
on my tombstone please engrave
my name and not that of your slave
i derailed your train of thought
and always hit the perfect spot
a temporary distraction
irrational course of action
an item on your hitlist
a renewed vow upon your wrist
might as well be drunk
passed out before me
sprawled on my lap, legs apart
screwing my life has been an art
oh happy dagger
i go without sleep
we're both tired from your game
i watch you dream and whisper
someone else's name
+ inspired by my good friend's situation right now, written after listenin' to too much brand new, and after the recent punk lyric-like posts. i'm part of the ShaWS but i'm not a writer. AAAGGGHHHKKK *sobs* +
apple's crying and she dont know why, because
her parents are locking up her doors
all she wants is the music by her side
and her boyfriend right behind
apples crying in her room
apples crying in her room
so she thought its gonna be alright
she still has her boyfriend by her side
and then her boyfriend calls her up
were breaking up, were breaking up, were breaking up
i know it sucks but its what they said,
teenage life is a war and you have to fucking win it
it sucks to see so much promise down the drain
the sky is red, teen blood drips down
apples hanging,
apples hanging in her room
apples hanging,
apples hanging in her room
12:30, and im still awake
messed up from the party tonight
and one thing that keeps me awake
is knowing that you'll still be online
heres to why i always fail
everything i think is a-ok
im blinded by my own fault
of low confidence
i know its ok, if you dont feel the same
i know i cant do anything right now
im sorry i lied, im depressed as hell
having second thoughts of taking my life
heres to why i always fail
everything i think is a-ok
im blinded by my own fault
of low confidence
i fell for her again
i wrote a song agian
for this girl that i like
for this girl thats online
i dont care if you never mind
all the things that i say to you
i dont care if you see me as
only this fifteen year old lad
i dont care yeah i dont care
if my time is gone and wasted
capped with a bullet through my head
yeah i blowing away, im trying to escape
but its so hard when you think yuove found the perfect one
you think its ok, she said its ok, but you find out that its not
and its bugging her to death
i dont care if you still cut
your hair short of an inch
now i dont care if you never
text back to all my messages
and i dont care if you never
get any effect to what i said
cause now its done and useless
Nothing is worse than death?
I never believed this
I’m sure there’s something worse
Torture is worse isn’t it?
Its so bad people wish to die
So death saves them
Is torture really that bad?
It’s just physical pain
Physical scars heal
It’s not torment
To be forgotten is worse than death
Especially by someone who you once loved
And loved you back
heaven will shine, and i will bleed
with you by my side, this is the scene
on broken glass, i will walk
for you i will, die so slow
im running wild, i love your way
your face like fire, it burns me inside
im itching through, this hand-made cloth
my one wish is, to stay with you
im sure this wont end she said i crack her up
comforts will come much later than that
sitting down i said, i love you so much
sitting down she said, she wants to but cant
I think I shall never forget
Innocence as she peeps through my window.
Never start sulking, Sunshine,
you will grow old faster and you will leave
a dreary world darker as when you found it.
Never start chasing ghosts with your innocence,
I will sorely feel the loss of your youth.
why do we live
if we are going to die again?
why do we breathe?
do we even exist?
such persistent questions
i asked as a child
no one would respond
i went around for the answer
no one would reply to me
no one listened
echoes were my only reply
i still speculated
what existence was for
a friend knew about my dilemma
and he sat me down
“that question years ago?
i know the answer now,”
"we seek the meaning of life
because we are mortals"
i was silenced by his answer
i stopped asking
but to this day
i still remember
In all fairness, you can calm me down
with the look that will never leave my memory.
You do not make it difficult for me to love,
all you have to do is exist.
And now that there is no mistaking your existence,
you do not make it difficult for me to hate.
Yet, how can I condemn a man that all living creatures
adore and despise in the same breath?
Twilight rises when you exhale and
pulls with it my burdened breasts.
And still, half of my soul lies there,
buried in the dirge and in the dirt.
How can I, wanting the perfection that used to be you,
still stand firm at the face of your sordidness?
Finally, I have realized the cost of
living the world of my beloved craft.
Finally, I will severe my words from the body that is
in every bit, in every part, and in all, my only metaphor.
I will strain the last chords of my song and
you still will not know the death your eyes have caused.
Soft sweet whispers, innocent child
Death divine, blind suicide
A single fate, or a myriad of many?
A tune in time, God's symphony
A plaintive song, abysmal night
Forsaken dreams, a starless sky
Shards and splinters, memories
Whirling senses, silent pleas
Tears fall, absolving rain
Blood and laughter, surrogate pain
Fear unfathomed, the blackest rose
Love unknowing, sweet comatose
the stars will bleed, the brightest blood,
through this song, i declare my love
cause pain will scream the highest note
and this pain will sing the sweetest song
she goes by the night, and i sleep through the day shes better than me,
i think im wasting my time ive been nothing but nice, fuck i love her that much
but its never enough, or its always too much
They float like threadlike phantoms, as they weave
Their path across this tapestry of space.
In lazy movements with a casual grace,
They haunt to gentle pulses we receive,
In broken syncopation. Heart on sleeve,
One ghost has stopped to glance upon your face.
His eyes alone in motion, searching for a place
Which he can haunt: a home he'll never leave.
And then he finds a place where he can rest.
Surprised and pleased, misfortune in reverse,
He whispers thanks and plants new feet on stone,
Assisted by a memory suppressed
No longer. Shedding his now-harmless curse,
He hopes he never has to float alone.
Freewriting exercise done in class. We weren't supposed to let our pens leave the page for about 3-5 minutes.
Listening to The Cure and Jeff Buckley makes me want to cry, and, oddly enough, I love that fact.
The first time I heard Pictures of You I cried. How many times in your life will you hear someone singing to you like that? I screamed at the make believe once in my life. I screamed at the sky. And I found the courage to let it go too. And when I heard Robert Smith singing that, with his voice grating down to the essence of my being, I thought I had been stripped and peeled like an orange only to find a pit in my center, something so clear and beautiful. That's what the music was speaking to. That's where the lyrics and the melody go. Jeff Buckley died by drowning a year and a year and many years ago and I think he brought the true soul of good music with him. He makes me want to go dancing on the beach by moonlight and get drunk on the stars. "I can't help looking outside for a guarantee," he said. I can't look anywhere BUT inside for a guarantee. (Life will never be what you make of it.) Oscar Wilde and his contemporaries believe music was the purest of the arts and so do I.
five minutes in this turbulently silent sea
and already i am glancing at the sun.
you told me the path of light it made on the water
was only a front for a road,
hidden in the depths,
that promised to take all
to a place of happiness.
the sky is a piece of cotton candy,
you said,
pink and stretching
over hills of brown gingerbread,
flowers of chocolates and marshmallows,
and through it all, wine that flows freely,
red and vibrant.
like your blood, i think.
i imagine the wine seeping its way
through cracks in the bread,
moistening the marshmallows,
turning a bright scarlet,
the color of the gums i saw when you smiled
after i kissed you.
the path to that place is blinding.
and while i wade without you
through this blacktop sea
i have nothing left to taste.
not your lips like sugar, nor your arms like milk.
nothing but the salt of my solitude,
shiny beads of the ocean upon my lips.